Maybe if you're lucky
by Darkhymns
Summary: According to legend, it's entirely possible Toriel has said the f-word before. There's no knowing. It's one of life's greatest mysteries... [Sans/Toriel]


Toriel was not an easy monster to catch off-guard.

It's something that's come with her years. Experience had led her through war and exile, as well as through the turbulence of her youth. Though truth to be said, much of her past remained quite a mystery to most monsters. Only Asgore was privy to some of her secrets, and he wasn't sharing such things with anyone due to his still aching love for her… And perhaps a vague threat or two from the former Queen.

Still, Sans was pretty determined to find some things out.

"you've totally said the f-word before, right?"

"Sans!" Toriel bleated, her movements jostling the mixing bowl she was currently holding. She had to still her stirring motions to let the laughter run its course through her lungs.

"come on, tori. you can tell me. promise i won't be yapping my lips to anyone."

"Is that surely something I can believe?" she said, pointing to his lipless jaw. "and here i thought you did not like making promises."

"only to other people." Sans leaned both elbows on the countertop, placed within the inner sanctum of Toriel's kitchen. Normally his elbows would barely reach the edge, but she had given him a little footstool for him to stand on. It never left its place in the middle of the kitchen floor, as Sans was over at her house quite often.

"I'm afraid I will have to disappoint you either way, Sans." Toriel cracked another egg into her bowl, one that Sans had handed over to her without needing to be asked. "My history regarding such words can be quite delicate. And stuffy. I would not want bore you with all the details."

"heh, so uh, no skeletons in your closet, huh?"

She laughed again, louder this time. "If only I did. I believe it would have made things more enjoyable!" She giggled to herself, then added, "I meant that literally."

"don't worry, tori. i got it." Sans eyed the pie mixture she was preparing, eggs and butter disappearing into its doughy depths. "but hey, i'm only asking a simple question. then your secret can be just _our_ secret."

"You really would like to know if I have used bad language before?"

"sure, why not? sounds a bit exciting actually."

She smiled at him. "How so?"

"like, say, knowing the circumstances of when f-word was said."

"There are only so many possibilities."

He pointed at her. "then i can narrow it down for ya. just let me know if i'm getting warmer."

It sounded so absurd, yet fun. Toriel nodded. "However, I cannot promise if I will actually reveal to you the truth. I must keep my air of mystique for the public!"

"hey, that's my shtick."

"So we cannot be mysterious together then?"

"only if you're my bff. being mysterious needs commitment from both sides."

"Sans, you are already my… biff!" She paused. "Is that how you say it?"

"close enough." He tapped hard fingertips against the pie tin, which was all prepared for Toriel's signature butterscotch pies. "everyone's shouted a bad oath when they stub a toe. like a rite of passage. so?" He looked at her expectantly.

She thrust her claw into the bowl to remove part of the dough, now much more solid than before, then proceeded to lay it out on a wooden board, its surface scattered over with flour. "Ah, no, I do not believe so."

"come on, not even once?"

"I have rather large feet. So I happen to have stepped on plenty of objects, as well as run into them. Yet they are also quite tough! It is one of the perks of being a boss monster!"

"okay, i'll let it slide." Sans watched as she proceeded to flatten out the dough with a rolling pin, flour dust catching onto her fur. "how about when one of your pies turn out bad? maybe made the crust less than flaky."

"Now, Sans, I hope you do not mean to insult me." She smirked at him. "I have never made a bad pie batch in all of my life."

He blinked at her. "wow, really? not even when you started?"

"Nope! I was always naturally talented when it came to pastry baking. I suppose my fire magic might have given me some advantages with that, I will admit."

He chuckled at that, a low baritone to her higher notes. "guess your skills were always on fire, huh?"

"Of course! And I could always stand the heat in the kitchen, unlike most beginners."

"tori you're killing me."

"Then mind you don't fan my flames!"

"oh man."

Both took a while to recuperate from the laughing fits, and then Toriel was able to start work on the rest of the dough, while those she had completed were put into plastic for necessary refrigeration. "I must say your questions are quite chill to the bone. You will never find out any secrets at this rate."

"yeah, gotta step up my game." Then Sans gave a rather cheeky grin, placing his skull on his palm as he looked over to her. "so maybe it was nothing bad when you cursed. but something good?"

For once, Toriel was at a loss. "Oh? How do you mean?"

He winked at her. "maybe when you were having a good time?"

She really had to think about this one. Her hands slowed, thoughtful. She could not think of any conceivable scenario where she would curse and it was a positive. "I am sorry, Sans, but I am still confused at what you mean."

"well, i'm just saying." The gaze he gave her was lingering, warm. "bet you were a cutie back then, huh?"

Then it hit her… that, well, Sans was hitting on her.

"Oh!" She dropped the rolling pin onto the table. The flush that rose onto her cheeks was intense, making her tongue do cartwheels and failing in the process. "Oh, I – well – um…" She fidgeted with the dough itself. It didn't help much. "I'm not.. entirely sure…"

She had not been this tongue-tied since she was a young doe, her fur soft and thin, not knowing the routine of queenly duties. Once reaching maturity, she had been prepared for any event that required quick thinking and appropriate speech. It was when only the King could make her heart feel light, and that the knowledge that certainly, most monsters would not think twice about flirting with an old lady such as herself.

Her stammering, followed by thick silence, made Sans' smile stiffen. "uh, i messed up, didn't i?" He shifted his pupils around, standing up straight. "yeah, that was a bit too much, huh?"

"Oh no, of course not. I was just…" She laughed weakly. It seemed best to not let her hands anything too complicated, like wiping away the crusted dough from her fingers onto her apron. "It was just unexpected."

"heh, i'm just the kind of guy that likes to keep you guessing." Though he winked, his voice strained on the jovial tone he forced upon it. "heh…yeah, i'm not one to do jokes in bad taste like that… sorry, tori."

"Please, it is nothing to apologize for," she assured, facing him fully. "I was not offended at all."

"if you say so…" Sans scratched his skull with non-existent fingernails. "i just know if i had said something like that to anyone else like undyne, i'm pretty sure i'd get one heck of a jawbreaker."

"Yet I am not anyone else, Sans… and you are not just a passing stranger." Her face brightened with a small smile. "Though I would suggest sticking to your usual material for other crowds."

Sans' silence devolved into light laughter. She saw some of the tension roll off his shoulders. "glad to have you as my test audience."

After that little hiccup in their routine, both went back to their task; Toriel making the rest of the pie crusts while Sans stood on his stool, happily doing nothing at all but watch and comment, eliciting a giggle from her now and then. Once the last of the crusts was put into the refrigerator, Toriel unhooked her apron to place into a laundry hamper.

"so i guess that's why my pie crusts never come out that flaky," Sans mused aloud. "i have to actually add the eggs and stuff."

"Sans, certainly you must be… _egg-_ xeggerating!"

"wow, i really walked into that one."

Just as they were heading out the kitchen, she stopped. Sans, two feet behind her, couldn't help but notice.

"hm?"

"Did you mean what you said, Sans?"

He took a moment. "well, i guess i didn't literally walk into that one… not sure how you would."

"No, not that, I suppose I mean…" Toriel bit her lip, turning to him. "About me being…um, cute?" She felt so embarrassed. "Oh, that sounds so ridiculous now when I say it-"

"hey, no worries, tori." Sans, hands in his pockets, rocked on his heels, looking off to the side as he thought about it. "though, i think my wording was more like… that you must have been a cutie _back then."_

"Ah." He had said that, hadn't he? "I must certainly be getting old, to mistake that."

"well?" Sans leaned forward. "were you?"

Toriel looked down at the small skeleton, seeing his very apparent interest. For someone with no eyes, she thought his were quite open and inviting, sending a pleasant warmth through her. Was this appropriate of her to feel this way? Sans was always a bit of a teasing soul, that was certainly all this was.

"In answer to your question… I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, though I do not believe my looks were, um, so cute, in the past. At least compared to others." She looked down, fiddling with her thumbs.

"yeah, you're right," Sans nodded, without any hesitance.

She made sure to not show any of her disappointment. After all, she valued his honesty, no matter how hurtful-

"you're still a cutie now." His voice, already so low, echoed softly. "which brings me to my original question."

She waited. With anticipation? Eagerness? Excitement?

"ever had such a good time that you just had to…" Sans gestured vaguely. "well, maybe you get the gist?"

Toriel was no stranger to foul language, or certain… adult activities. And they were both mature adults, with mature imaginations, and mature needs. When she and Sans had talked back at the Ruins door, more than jokes had been exchanged. Past things, secret things – things she had been less than afraid to share. She had not believed she would ever meet the kind soul behind the door, so why hold back? It was never anything so vulgar, but a joke that was less than family-friendly was not at all unfamiliar to them.

Though she supposed being face-to-face might account for a few differences.

Sans closed his eyes, giving a little shrug. "it's not something you have to answer."

"No, no, it is a genuine question." She placed a hand on her chin, secretly enjoying Sans' brief look of confusion. "Perhaps if, now this is just me saying… if one does such a thing currently, then it serves to say that they must have done so, at least once, in the past?"

Sans' grin was wide. "guess so?" His eyes studied her. "should i reframe the question?"

"I don't think there's a need." Toriel flattened her dress a tad, walking out into the living room to watch Mettaton's new television show, which they both did so every evening. "I suppose…you would have to find that out yourself, would you not?"

She had to rely on her old tricks; keeping a straight face when all she wanted to do was laugh herself silly. She could only imagine what Sans' expression was… which admittedly, was probably not that much different from the norm. But the pleased chuckle she heard behind her was more than enough to satisfy her.

Such answers only lied in the future, didn't they?


End file.
